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SURVIVING WAR: FRIENDSHIP, MANHOOD AND VULNERABILITY
WITH MAJOR TOM SCHUEMAN

special segments

Description
Major Tom Schueman, The Man Enough Podcast’s first war veteran and active duty military guest, discusses male friendship, positive masculine characteristics that are not binary or the property of men alone, how being trained to be alert all the time on the battlefield can make it hard to be vulnerable and present in the rest of life, how knowing how to handle any kind of physical wound does not prepare you to address emotional or psychological wounds, and his belief that we need to learn how to reintegrate warriors back into society after combat like Native Americans and the Spartans used to do. Ultimately, he believes that healthy manhood is rooted in finding purpose and serving something greater than yourself.
 

In This Episode

  • 00:00 Episode Tease: how learning to be alert all the time can prevent you from missing out on the fullness of life
  • 01:39 Jamey and Liz talk about the mission of positive masculinity and their own journeys
  • 02:58 Introducing Major Tom Schueman
  • 06:38 Major Tom and Zak’s (Afghan translator) Friendship
  • 10:43: Being Deliberate in Friendships
  • 13:05 Positive Masculinity – Attributes are not binary/exclusive to men
  • 16:39 The Mental Tax Of Violent Work
  • 27:51 Post War Stress and Reintegration
  • 32:14 Embracing Vulnerability
  • 45:11 Breaking The “Dumb Dad” Stereotype
  • 53:05 What Does It Mean To Be Man Enough?

Episode Transcript

Select Major Tom Quotations from the Episode

“Male friendships…take commitment and consistency. We often think we’re too busy. No relationship will flourish unless it’s watered and fed.” 
 
“What I view as some of the positive masculine traits are self-composure, equanimity. I think those are masculine characteristics or traits that are vital to the profession [of the military], and so your ability to make sound decisions, sound judgements and think rationally in a chaotic environment. There’s all this entropy moving around you and you have to be the homeostasis there. I think one of the most desirable traits of a man is someone who is self-composed. That’s a trait that is fostered and cultivated as a job requirement.” – Major Tom
 
“I don’t view [traits associated with masculinity] as binary or mutually exclusive…I’m not saying that it’s not feminine or women can’t do those things. I think sometimes when you have a discussion around femininity and masculinity, it often becomes ‘it can only be men that can do this’…but I don’t think these concepts and characteristics are binary or mutually exclusive. When I talk about my hero, my mother, she exhibited many of these – what we would characterize as masculine traits – and did it exceedingly well.” 
 
“You are indoctrinated into these cultures, whether it’s the football team or the military, where it is violent, it is aggressive. You aren’t reintegrated into normal society. There’s no boot camp back into that transition. [Discusses many cultures throughout history (Native Americans, Spartans, etc.) that had rituals to bring warriors back into the community.] You can look to past examples of war cultures who had much healthier reintegration transition periods between the battle, the combat, and the homefront. I think we lack that currently.”
About Major Tom Schueman
During his 15 years in military service so far, Major Tom Schueman served as a platoon commander in Afghanistan for 16 months. Tom was awarded a Purple Heart after he and others were ambushed in a field on Nov. 9, 2010. He then went on to get his masters in English Literature at Georgetown University, and currently teaches English literature at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland, where he remains on active duty. You might know Major Tom from his numerous media appearances with “Zak” Zainullah Zaki, an Afghan translator who was embedded with the platoon he commanded in Afghanistan. Since serving together since 2010, the pair have walked a dangerous road together down perilous paths of war and bureaucracy. Their commitment to deep friendship and trust saved and shaped Major Tom’s life both during and after war in many ways, leading to his more peaceful and vulnerable understanding of how to show up in the world.
 
Read Always Faithful
Major Tom and Zak co-wrote a book titled _Always Faithful_, telling the full story of the divergent paths that led them to work together in Afghanistan, the dangerous road they walked together in service to America, and how their commitment to each other ended up saving both their lives, literally.
Links:
About the Man Enough Podcast

The Man Enough Podcast explores what it means to be a man today and how rigid gender roles have affected all people. The goal is to create a safe, open environment for a range of perspectives to come together and stay at the table, moving from systems and language that polarize and demonize men and masculinity, into those that invite all humans to participate and thrive in the world. Each episode engages in honest conversations with celebrities, thought leaders and change-makers, exploring topics such as relationships, body image, privilege, fatherhood, sex, success, mental health and so much more. 

THE HOSTS

Justin Baldoni is an actor, director, producer, entrepreneur and changemaker whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media and entertainment. Baldoni is the co-founder of Wayfarer Studios, an independent financial and production engine pioneering purpose-driven, multi-platform film and television productions that elevate and speak to the human spirit. He is also the founder of Wayfarer Foundation, a non-profit which seeks to change the way communities see and respond to unhoused populations. Learn more about his debut book, Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity at manenough.com/books

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Liz Plank is an award-winning journalist, author of For the Love of Men: From Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity, and the executive producer and host of several critically acclaimed digital series at Vox Media and NBC News. She’s the CEO of Liz Plank Productions and is a columnist for MSNBC and has been listed as one of Forbes’ 30 Under 30, Mediaite’s Most Influential in News Media, and Marie Claire’s Most Powerful Women, and was named one of the World’s Most Influential People in Gender Policy by Apolitical. She’s built a loyal following on numerous social media platforms, but her proudest accomplishment by far remains being blocked by the 45th president of the United States.

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Jamey Heath is a prolific and versatile songwriter, musician and producer, he has co-written and/or produced songs for many artists, including Andy Grammer, Idina Menzel, Solange, Chaka Khan, Rahsaan Patterson, Randy Jackson, Dionne Farris, Guy Sebastian, Tamia, Tevin Campbell, Shanice, Az Yet, Yasmeen, Jody Watley, Ray J, Changing Faces, Janet Jackson, Kenny Lattimore, Babyface, Eric Benet, Take 6, and many others. He has been a part of many multi platinum selling records and singles earning him two Grammy Nominations with one win for his work on Gladys Knight’s, “At Last” album.

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