Get Educated on Juneteenth, Then Get Involved in Celebrating It

There’s been a lot of talk around Juneteenth, but how much do you really know? One of the most important things behind any movement, besides passion and desire for justice, is education. By learning the history, defining moments and true conflict behind social movements, we can credibly fight for change by informing the uninformed and, more importantly, the misinformed. But Juneteenth isn’t the only important date you should consider here.

Historically, June 19th marks the true end of slavery and bondage for the Black community in America in 1865. More than 150 years ago, President Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation in January 1863, declaring that all slaves should be forever free, but it wasn’t until mid-1865 that news of the abolishment reached Galveston, Texas, the site where the last Black slaves were freed. The speed of speech might have been a sign of the times then, but it’s a bit ironic that the term “forever free” took two and a half years to take effect.

Nonetheless, Juneteenth is not only an anniversary of what once happened but should be celebrated moving forward as a reminder of the times we are in now. Black celebrities, such as Usher, and politicians like Kamala Harris and Cory Booker, along with millions of multi-racial Black lives supporters, have come together to see that this date be instated as a national holiday. Because we’re fortunate to live in a time when it doesn’t take two and a half years for us to learn about George Floyd, Breonna Taylor or the other countless injustices happening around our country. It doesn’t take two and a half years for people to take action either, which is all the more reason for us to act now, peacefully, so that the healing can continue to spread in order for Black lives to not only matter but be celebrated.

There is, unfortunately at this time, a massive divide in America, but we can all agree on the right to live freely without the fear of losing our life in broad daylight with another life kneeling it (or at the least, we like to think we can agree on that). With that said, we implore you to support Black lives and celebrate Juneteenth and commemoration of Black independence, and we suggest doing so by joining a peaceful protest or starting one.

Visit Sixnineteen.com or browse Juneteenth events happening in your area throughout the weekend, as well as for more ways to get information and get involved.

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We All Have an Anxiety Monster Inside Us, You Should Be More Worried If You Don’t

If you’ve been outside or turned on the news lately, you know how weird it is out there. Between health and racial pandemics, floods and fires, police brutality, casual mentions of UFOs and asteroids just missing Earth, it’s safe to say we all have one or a hundred reasons to feel panic in our chest, difficulty breathing in our lungs and the ever-present shadow of the grim reaper. Anxiety is a monster, and there’s nothing great about it.

The only thing that would be truly weird is if you didn’t have anxiety right now.

What Is the Anxiety Monster?

Human beings are, at their core, reliant on social connection, information and the truth. So when those things become misaligned or go missing, say, with three months of self-isolating quarantine, the defiance of science by our top leaders and real-time murders televised from our cell phones, it triggers all sorts of emotions, repressed memories and past traumas then boils our blood until the negativity bubbles to the surface.

We like to call it the Anxiety Monster, mostly because it’ll eat you alive if you choose to ignore it.

Unlike the Boogie Man, your anxiety monster isn’t going anywhere when the sun comes up. It loves when you let your life get to you, or even just when life is crazy and surreal like it has been all of this year. Without the proper tools to attack anxiety back, this monster will bear-hug you in all the wrong places, from your head and your heart to your colon on down, tying you up in knots a sailor could not undo.

The biggest problem with preventing anxiety is that men, especially, have been taught to “man up” and suppress, hide and even deny these very emotions out of taught (and well-practiced) fear of being labeled weak. Would you like to talk about your feelings and potentially be labeled a “pansy,” “pussy” or “wimp?” Or would you rather roll the dice and stuff it down, snuggle in the fetal position with your anxiety monster and ignore countless other unaddressed issues until you eventually implode?

Does that make you man enough? No! And it doesn’t sound fun at all, either.

anxiety

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How Badly Is Anxiety Affecting Everyone, Really?

We’ve all witnessed some of the brutal daily trauma Black men in America are forced to deal with. Meanwhile, middle-aged white men have the highest rate of suicide in America, which averages close to 50,000 lives each year. Between the two, men are getting crushed on two fronts, and anyone who enjoys a good war movie knows it doesn’t end well when you’re surrounded. It’s an anxiety monster’s dream scenario. But if we’re willing to stand up against those who oppress us, we must also stand up against our own demons. And it starts with a conversation.

In light of the many injustices of today, many leaders in sports, entertainment and our communities have stepped forward where others have failed or missed their cues. And the stories we hear from these men about fear, ridicule and the challenge of being different or feeling less than may sound revolutionary, but they’re as common the cold. The reason they seem so refreshing or, dare we say, brave, is because of how rare it is to see vulnerability amongst the pack.

If modern manhood is based on survival of the fittest and devouring its “weakest link,” then we’re in trouble. Because that kind of toxic masculinity only destroys the pack. Our best chance at survival to admitting we’re all suffering from anxiety, then to normalize it and work through it without judgment as a whole. If you have the balls to admit you struggle with anxiety, that, in our opinion, makes you more of a man than ever!

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How to Beat Your Anxiety Monster

Anxiety not only affects our mood, it affects our sleep, work and ability to be supportive to others, near and far. So if you’re dragging your feet, fighting with your favorite people or staring at the ceiling every night and you’re not sure why, it’s not you. It’s anxiety, and it’s never been more popular. Good news: There are ways to handle it. Just because it showed up at the party doesn’t mean it’s welcome.

Just so you know, right away: There’s no beating it for good. Your anxiety monster is a lot like that creepy uncle at Christmas. You might have to listen to him tell his pervy jokes every time the tree goes up, but you can smile and rest assured it doesn’t have to happen every day. But just in case the usual tricks don’t work, consider the following:

First of all, remember that you’re doing great. You’re doing great, and you’re trying your best, given the circumstances, so quit putting so much pressure on yourself all the time. Most of it is unnecessary, self-imposed pressure anyway.

Next, work it out. Whether you’re working out physically, writing it down or even loving your lady (yes, they appreciate that), anxiety is negative energy that can be cultivated for good. But you’ve got to get it out or else it’ll manifest into bigger problems.

Finally, talk it over. You can confide in your partner or your best friend, someone you trust (yes, even your mother). You’d be surprised how much of the same stuff your father has been through if you have the good fortune to speak with him about it. Now hear us out on this next part.

Talking With a Professional

We know that might sound crazy or weak or easily judged to “get help” or “see a shrink,” but these negatively connotative ideas are overdramatized. It’s just a conversation with someone who has a clue of how to help. It’s a lot better than venting to the same friend or family member who never signed up for your 24-hour tell-all, and it’s a million times better than venting to the wrong person, who just happens to be a massive gossip.

Talking, even just once, with someone who’s trained to understand what you’re dealing with, has the ability to shed light on things you never even notice and, more importantly, is paid to listen to the most terrifyingly shallow filth you have inside you but is not allowed to repeat said terrifyingly shallow filth.

Try it, you might love it. I did, and my life has only gotten exponentially better. You become clear about what you want and how to get there. And now I have someone in my life I can tell anything to, judgment-free, but I can also fire her without any consequence to myself, plus I don’t have to go to her birthday parties. Whatever you do, don’t hold it inside. It’ll feel good to let it out. Because a “real man” doesn’t burden himself by burying it deep down for no one to see. Working it out makes you man enough.

And if you really want to lift a weight off your chest, you should try voting this November. It’s more than just one monster’s worst enemy.

If you or someone you know struggled with severe anxiety, you can find help below.

Now check out our new Anxiety episode with The Flash himself, Grant Gustin, veteran comedian, Cedric the Entertainer, and, of course, your host Justin Baldoni. For more Man Enough episodes, go here. 

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3 Generations: Black Activist Curtis Hayes Stands in the Middle to ‘Find a Better Way’

For the past week, it’s been hard to get Curtis Hayes on phone. A father, concerned citizen, and Black man has become a heavily sought-after voice of reason since the nation broke out in protests following the brutal murder of George Floyd at the hands of the Minnesota Police. A June gloom hovers over the morning, but there’s a crisp taste of optimism, too.

Hayes, a North Carolina resident, has spent the entire week speaking with media outlets across the world about his viral moment (below) as a spokesperson of sorts for the Black community, a man who stepped forward to lead in a moment of crisis. As crowds took the Charlotte streets following Floyd’s death, Hayes, 31, found himself in an unfortunately familiar position, except this time he was stuck between two generations of Black men. His task in the moment was clear: Find a better way.

“At the time I inserted myself between these two men on the bridge, I thought about how many generations before our three generations had fought for change and equality, doing the exact same thing we’re fighting for, and it filled my heart with confusion and anger. But I was more upset to see a 16-year-old Black man out there having to fight for change when he should be worried about which college he’s going to or the girl he likes,” Hayes told Man Enough.

While there have been a number of American protests over the last century for Black equality, something about this feels different. It could have something to do with three months of social distancing that’s forced us to go inward and take some much-needed self-inventory (once we’d binged the hell out of Netflix, of course). Everyone became completely dependant on their cell phones, more so than usual, for immediate information and constant connection during a quickly-spreading pandemic, and just as the veil of quarantine was being lifted, Amy Cooper’s white privilege popped out of the bushes and was plastered across social media. Coupled with Ahmaud Arbery’s murder coming to light, social media became a bulletin board for unspeakable injustices. But the public execution of George Floyd, neither tried nor convicted, feels like more than just a pop quiz. It’s the final exam after a semester of education, a test for the human spirit.

“I think the difference is that the emotion and conviction behind all these messages is resonating with people who maybe didn’t really see what we’ve been seeing for so many years,” Hayes said. “I do see a lot more officers engaging with protesters, and I see a lot more dialogue than I’ve ever seen. We have all 50 states protesting for change so we’ve made progress on awareness. With this dialogue from people who are no longer uncomfortable to speak, we can now put pressure on leaders of the nation.”

The movement has already spurred a number of immediate wins, namely the arrests of the other three accomplices in Floyd’s death, as well as upping Derek Chauvin’s charges from third to second-degree murder. Meanwhile, social media continues to blast awareness of real-time police brutality amidst peaceful protests, countless other unprosecuted police murders with Black victims like Breonna Taylor, and an ongoing conversation about the many injustices of our criminal justice system. But there’s still much to be done.

“We must understand the laws, how they have affected us and how to come up with a solution to close the gap that’s been left open for so long,” Hayes said. “But we must also continue to check our peers and our colleagues. Hold them accountable, especially our leaders. We are becoming unified as a people, and it’s time they step their game up and lead the country to make the changes we need to make.”

If the last two weeks have shown us anything, it’s the egregious amount of corruption and inequality going on in America. And while progress may move slowly on a national level at first, there’s so much we can do on a local and personal level. Hayes explained that while not everything we learn at a young age plays a positive role when we become adults, the most important thing we can do personally is to figure out which of those things are helpful and positive, and which learned thoughts and behaviors are negative.

“We all have the right to make decisions for ourselves. We learn things from our parents, but as we get older, we start to educate our own minds. We have the choice to follow what we grew up in, or we can make a choice to grow out of it and make the world better.”

Los Angeles has already seen a $150 million budget reduction for its police force that is meant to be reinvested in community outreach, and although that might feel like nickel and diming a massive problem, it’s a start. Meanwhile, the Minneapolis City Council is set on “dismantling the city’s police department” and starting up a community-led safety force. People might be looking to the federal government for big policy changes, but the reality is we can do a lot more from our own backyards, at least until November.

“Get involved in your communities. States are starting community meetings where citizens can speak with law enforcement that starts a dialogue so they can understand one another. And if you don’t have one, start one. Get out and speak to your people and your neighbors. Always show love, just like you show your friends love,” Hayes said.

Not for nothing, COVID times gave us the opportunity to look inward, but now it’s time to step outside ourselves to educate, advocate and donate our time and energy to sustaining this effort so that we can continue to move forward, instead of reverting back in ways that past movements have allowed us to.

“People wrote 2020 off, but I think it’s a year of reflection for everyone as a whole. It’s a blessing in disguise, opening our minds and hearts to so many things we never took the time to think about. Yes, things have been bad economically, but at the end of the day, the human race will have gained so much more.”

In other words, find a better way.

 

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The Unwritten Rules For Black Men That You May or May Not Be Aware Of

Man Enough is all about the real, hard, honest conversations of men. One of the hardest conversations today involves the unique challenges that Black men face in this country every day. This viral TikTok video encompasses many of the unwritten rules that Black men adhere to daily in order to avoid the risk imprisonment and physical danger. Or, in the case of George Floyd: death. These rules are commonly known to the Black community, but perhaps they’re not well-known to you. Now you know.

While many of us take for granted some of the smallest things, most Black men don’t have the same luxury. Something as simple as hanging onto your receipt for a pack of gum can be the difference in how their day goes. Most people would never bother to think twice about something so little. The worst thing they can likely imagine is that they’re wasting paper. But for many Black people, it can lead from suspicion to unnecessary imprisonment in the blink of an eye. The struggle of today is to remove those stigmas for Black people while also educating other races about how unfairly others are treated. Only then can we move ahead.

Support Black lives in your community. Please don’t remain silent anymore.

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Are You Man Enough to Own Your Biggest Embarrassments This Week? 

This month — OK, year — has been an embarrassment of humanity, but that should not stop us from focusing on improving ourselves. In fact, it seems like the best parts of 2020 are yet to come, and it starts with you. Most of us aren’t great at being “man enough” to show our flaws, admit our wrongs or surrender our opinions. No, we’d much rather cram them down deep, let them fester and manifest into toxic little balls we can regurgitate and spit in each other’s faces. But it’d be much better, although not as easy, to own our embarrassments, especially in light of everything happening now.

If perception is reality, then the flaws, flops and failures are what we hide in pursuit of perfection. But the reality therein is a fake, which is why we encourage you to embrace the bad with the good, be comfortable in your faults and use all parts of the buffalo by showing off that you’re man enough to look like an idiot every once in a strawberry full moon wolf eclipse.

Maybe you cross-dressed as Cruella DeVille one Halloween and made your cocker spaniel into a Dalmatian and you’ve spent every moment since then shredding the evidence. But maybe hiding isn’t the answer. Maybe we need to take a good look at our ridiculous attempts to wear fake eyelashes, appreciate what women do in service of their bodies, then have a good laugh at our regrettable decisions, shake it off and move forward.

Our Man Enough challenge to you this week is to own your biggest embarrassments. It doesn’t have to be the biggest skeleton in your walk-in closet of personal horrors, but it should be something outside of your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to go deep, as long as it’s not too offensive or destructive to anyone but yourself (or anything that’ll get you fired or your dog surrendered).

Just be man enough to say, “Hey, this is me when I screwed the pooch. I’m better now.”

The more of us who are willing to come forward in this sharing circle and blow off some steam is not only going to make us feel better about ourselves, we’ll lift each other up and stop sweating the small stuff that weighs us down.

If we are to move forward together as a community, we’re going to have to get our hands dirty by digging up our past. And while we support our women in our collective march for equality both in race and gender, we have to remember that condemning one another will not be a lasting forgiveness. We have to let it go, learn from it and grow together, and there is no better place to start than with DIY haircuts, uncomfortable short jean shorts and that time at the water park when you didn’t realize you had on see-through shorts.

Let the purge of embarrassing riches ensue, we’re right there next to you.

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Big Man, Tiny Habits: Turning a Negative Into Your Motivation

Welcome to a new Man Enough segment that focuses on small shifts to your daily tiny habits that, in time, can result in massively positive changes. Whether you struggle to regularly work out or feel your vocabulary is lacking, or if there seems to be a tire around your waist from stress eating, or even if you’re just not overly excited about yourself at the moment, all it takes is the tiniest tweak of your daily routine to redirect yourself towards a more positive trajectory.

We begin with negativity, the all-consuming hate monster that follows us around like a shadow throughout the day (maybe even while we sleep). But while negativity can feel like a dark, weighty page in your story, it can actually be a good thing to have around if it’s processed in a positive way. Kind of like pasta.

Picture this: Negativity is your shadow. You know it’s there, which is good because you can easily spot it, but instead of looking at it as though it’s evil, maybe consider its potential.

If you’re busy guilting yourself for gaming or watching porn too much during quarantine — you know, the kind of where you max out your fingers and stumble out of it deathly dehydrated like you’ve been on a carnival ride all day — or if you’ve exhausting yourself with emotional eating (your muffin top has a muffin top) followed by the weighty dessert of body-shaming, you need to ask yourself: Does any of this really make me happy?

Perhaps, negativity is just what you need to refuel your fire.

After eight hours of gaming, do you feel good about yourself? You hate yourself a little, don’t you? It can create inner anger towards yourself. But that’s not all bad if that negativity is used as the spark to make a positive change, and it starts with tiny habits.

Our recent Man Enough guest, Jay Shetty, is a purpose coach and meditation master, but even he admits to gaming like a guilty guru during his stay at home. We’re all guilty of doing things we know we shouldn’t; that’s half the fun. But that doesn’t mean we should hate ourselves for it. Sometimes we do things purely because they’ve become part of our routine or a detail in the story we tell ourselves, but that can always be erased and replaced or just lightly edited.

Anger and other intense emotions bring with them an energy, even if it feels dirty, but you can channel that dirty energy and transform it by redirecting that anger towards making a positive change. Maybe instead of gaming eight hours, you game for one and then switch to something healthy. Again, tiny habits. Baby steps.

Make a game out of it. For every minute you game, do a pushup. So much of gaming is stereotyped as lazy, out-of-shape sloths, but some of the greatest minds game. If by the end of the game, you’re feeling a bit ripped, you will have used something that once created negative energy in you to make a positive impact. It’s all about discipline. Rewrite the stereotype. Look at Michael Jordan’s The Last Dance, he played head games with himself to take himself to another level. You can, too.

While everything is quiet in quarantine, we challenge you to reevaluate how you spend your time, a Marie Kondo of the soul if you will. Ask yourself if the activity — gaming, porn, midnight ice cream pints — is bringing you any actual joy or if you do it because there’s nothing else to do or it’s what you’ve always done.

Even healthy things are up for this debate.

If your hobbies, workout routines or even the people you were spending time with three months ago don’t make you feel good anymore, it’s time for a tweak. This is not to say you shouldn’t work out but do it in a way that’s exciting to you, something that stirs your enthusiasm. And don’t be afraid to pull from your past and do something that makes you look ridiculous if it tickles your brain or your heart inside.

Freshen things up, follow your curiosity and get excited about your life again. Rewrite the stereotype. There’s no better time than this very moment. And switch to dark chocolate; it’s healthy, dirty goodness in small doses. 

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