Complaining Negatively Rewires Your Brain (But Gratitude Can Bring You Back)

Did you know most people complain once per minute in conversation? That’s because negativity is as common as the cold, but not everyone lets complaining control the conversation.

We get it — there’s plenty to be upset about. Life is hard, but complaining only makes it worse at a certain point (very quickly). And while venting frustration may feel good at first, neurons in the brain grow closer together each time you do it, building a bridge that makes it a little easier to cross over to complaining. It can get to the point you may not realize you’re doing it, similar to the constant dopamine drip you’ve grown accustomed to getting when you receive likes on social media or you hear the sound of an incoming text. It just becomes part of your daily habit.

We know that negative fortune-telling is bad for our inner dialogue, but complaining not only rewires your brain, which can potentially lead to brain damage, it also depletes your cortisol levels — the hormone that sends you into fight or flight mode– and when your body is stressed, it redirects energy, oxygen and blood away from other systems so it can fight where it’s needed, kind of like when you’re exhausted as your body tries to fight off infection. Simply, negative thinking can make you feel sick.

Toxic-Distancing: Are You Man Enough to Step Back From Toxic Friends?

Times like these, it’s never been easier to complain. Unemployment, homelessness, and racial tensions are all at new highs, while the economy, our ability to pay rent and the quality of life appear to be at all-time lows. Anyone could make a full-blown hobby out of complaining in a time where there’s no end of things to complain about. It starts small but quickly it begins to affect those closest to you, and it’s highly infectious to people who are forced to absorb that negative energy. But who can stand that for long?

Solutions are found in looking towards the positive. That’s why people say it’s good to surround yourself with positive people. You’d much rather be infected by good vibes and people who are more focused on solutions than problems, people who use words like “empathy” more than “enemy.” So while complaining may be synonymous with negativity, solutions can be synonymous with positivity, and solutions are what we’re in need of right now, locally and globally.

Basically, stop complaining. It’s only making things worse.

More Man Enough: Roll the Dice and Transform Your Life (If Not Now, When?)

Gratitude, conversely, is complaining’s worst nightmare. Gratitude has been studied by neuroscience to have strong effects on anxiety, negativity and even grief. If gratitude had an evil twin, it’d be complaining, which means if you’ve been labeled a complainer or feel consumed by negativity throughout your day — short fuse, big temper, quick to anger — then gratitude is the antidote you’re looking for.

Before you go down the long-winded road of anti-depressants, first try this. It’s actually simple, painless and takes all of about 15 seconds. Best of all, it’s free and unlimited.

Rewire Your Rewire

Psychologists have described the “happiness exercise” as a great way to find gratitude that not only brings in happy thoughts to replace negative ones, but it’s a great habit to get into that can rewire your brain back towards positivity. It’s like your morning coffee that gets your brain going when you wake up, except without the need to pee all day.

Several studies in the last decade have measured the effects, finding that people who count their blessings on a daily basis tend to be happier. It puts space between toxic emotions that can cause toxic manifestations, but even better, you don’t have to share your gratitude if you don’t want to (although we recommend trying it from time to time). The more you practice gratitude, the more likely you are to appreciate things and people around you, which, again, sounds a lot like what we’re in dire need of right now.

3 Good Things

The happiness exercise psychologists recommend for daily gratitude only takes about three minutes, but it could be as easy as 15 seconds. All you have to do is think of three simple things that went well today before you go to sleep. Sit with each one for a minute and ruminate on it. Writing down ideas can only help strengthen those positive vibes, and you can read them again when you wake up, but the idea is to keep it simple and remain grateful for what you do have, as opposed to the things you want that you don’t have, which might be a source of complaining.

Whether it’s your mother, a perfectly ripe mango, the feeling of sand on your feet, a nice walk with your dog, having a woman you trust nearby, the sounds of crickets at night, stars in the sky, whatever feels right in the moment, write it down and be grateful.

The 3 easy steps to ‘3 Good Things’:

  1. Think about your day, consider the good things that presented themselves.
  2. Write down three things you’re grateful for, anything at all.
  3. Sit with each one for a moment and consider how they made your day better.

And if you’re struggling throughout the day with negative and find yourself on the verge of a good complaint, stop and think about three things that are working for you in the moment, even if it feels like nothing is working. Maybe both your shoes are tied, or even the fact you have shoes at all. Keep it simple. Keep it sweet. And quit your complaining.

That’s what the holidays are for (wink).

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Roll the Dice and Transform Your Life (If Not Now, Then When?)

Everywhere you turn, people are struggling in the world. Out of work, low on food, terrified to get groceries, unable to squeeze a loved one, stuck inside with nothing but a binge box for four straight months, and perhaps it’s only just begun. So what are you going to do? How long are you going to complain about it before you do something about it?

Maybe that’s all not well and true, but perhaps we’ve spent enough time focusing on the bad news, which is nothing new at this point. The world is grieving — this is not to belittle that — but we have our marching orders. Put on the mask, practice safe distance and care for one another in the ways you can, but there has to be a turning point amidst all this chaos where our perspectives change for the better.

Yes, we’re low on income and food, but maybe we’ve been consuming too much and can learn to do more with less. Yes, it’s terrifying to go to a crowded grocery store, but maybe it’s time you supported the local market and small farmers who need help, too. Yes, we’ve run out of TV to binge on until sunrise, but maybe it’s time we got up at that hour and went for a walk while the summer sun is upon our faces. Things are tough — no doubt about it — but every passing moment is an opportunity to turn this rickety old boat around.

On a deeper level, as bad as things are, you have to believe there’s a more profound meaning for all this than just suffering. If we can’t see the forest for the trees, that is, if we’re too consumed by what’s wrong, we might miss how to get it right. Whatever or whomever you put your faith in, there’s a good chance a higher power — God, Allah, the universe — has in some strange way conceived a lesson buried deep within this travesty that can be mined with enough people getting their hands dirty and putting in the work.

Big Man, Tiny Habits: Baby-Stepping Your Way to a Solid Routine

Believe what you will, but there’s no denying the world has set you up for a slam dunk, if and when you’re ready for it. A reset button, if you will. Your friends and peer pressure has been removed, there are no sports to gamble with what little money you can spare, a window of opportunity, however smudged or cracked the glass may be, has presented itself, and the only certainty is uncertainty in every conceivable meaning of the word, as well as every facet of life. So wouldn’t now be the perfect time to roll the dice on yourself. If not now, then when?

Maybe you’re fresh out of college and there’s not a job for miles to pay your student loans. Maybe you were perfectly happy with your life but became complacent and quit working as hard as you once did, never finding new ways of doing things when the old ways work just fine. Maybe you fell out of love with your work, or maybe you got busy while you were making grand plans and ended up in deep doing something you never wanted. Maybe you always wished for a do-over, a chance to go back and get it right. Maybe this is it.

Wake Up Time

Again, maybe this doesn’t apply at all to you, and for that we empathize. Perhaps you’re one of the millions who can’t take a breath to think about transforming your life because you’re in up to your neck and desperate for a break. That’s a new kind of suffering in which we hope people who have the ability to help will learn in this time how to better be of service.

But (and we know it’s a big ‘but’), if you find yourself in the space with some time to waste, this is your chance to roll the dice and gamble on yourself for once. Before, it might’ve never felt safe to, but there’s some strange comfort in knowing nothing is guaranteed to be safe no matter who you are, where you are or what you do. The future is uncertain, but if you’re going to fail, you might as well do it spectacularly attempting to genuinely be yourself, or at the very least, being happy.

It’s wake-up time to make the changes that can transform a safe existence into an exciting experience. So grieve all you need to, then wake up with the sun, dust yourself off and clean yourself up then start to move in a direction you know to be true. And in the end, this terrible curse in human history might’ve strangely become a blessing in a very clever disguise.

It’s a brand new day. Let’s make the most of it.

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Are You Man Enough to Distance Yourself From Toxic Friends?

Never has it been easier to socially distance yourself from friends, even ones you sorely miss. But now is an important time to decide which toxic friends you need to distance yourself from, even after things return to normal (whatever that is).

There’s a saying that good friendship is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.

The older we get, the more things change. And the more things change, the crazier the world seems to get. While in your own lockdown, social media might keep you well-aware of just how much negativity is out there, but without the right friends to steer you back to center, things can get hairy.

If push comes to shove, are you man enough to distance yourself from a life-long friendship? Because your long-term happiness and self-respect may depend on you answering correctly.

Why Is Sincerity Lost Among Men in Groups Bigger Than Two?

Every push has its pull. Oftentimes, when we find ourselves in a flow state — that natural goodness of feeling like exactly who we are while doing exactly what we’ve been put on this planet to do — we also feel something (or someone) pulling us back, even down.

Toxic friendships are tough, mostly because they probably weren’t always that way so you feel a need to hold onto them. When you’re young, friendship is easy. Most of who you spent time with was based on the street you grew up on or your love of baseball, girls and causing trouble. But the world is very different now, especially for young people. The older we get, the more friendships are challenged. And while some might be linked to your fondest memories, not everything gold can stay. So as your circle of friends moves into new territory — marriage, kids, grown-up stuff — you see one another making decisions that you might not agree with, which is OK, but when it creates a negative or hostile environment, it’s time to raise the red flag.

[Sidebar: If your friends are still creating a racist or sexist environment, it’s your responsibility to hold them accountable.]

We’ve recently established that sincerity is lost among men in groups bigger than two. Whether it’s a single toxic friend or several doesn’t matter; it only takes one rotten sheep to infect the whole flock.

If you’re heading in a new direction (a healthy direction) but feel held down by old friends — common symptoms may include: group judgment, name-calling, only showing up in times of crisis or with a good meme, belittling your achievements in order to keep you at their level, never bothering to call you in four months stuck home with nothing to do — now is the time to put a different kind of social distance — toxic distancing –between friends, a property line built to maintain the friendship but keep out toxic intruders.

You create healthy boundaries, lest that toxicity bleeds into our areas of your life.

Creating Boundaries

No one solution is the end-all for fixing relationships, which means you have to take a moment to look at what’s wrong. In short, the best thing you can do for a close, yet somewhat toxic friend, is to be there for them when they need you, and not much more than that until things change. A conversation, thoughtful and calm, might best relay some of the ideas, but not many friends want to confront one another.

But it’s 2020 and you’re feeling a little bolder every day, right?

Karamo Brown on Relationships: You Have to Start With Yourself First

If you have long-time friends you’ve known since grade school, high school or college who just don’t jive with the direction you’re heading now, it’s a simple as keeping to important events like their birthdays and group-specific events like engagements, weddings and the occasional get-together, where you can celebrate, have a laugh and leave when you’re ready.

There just isn’t room for toxic people every day of your life if you’re trying to find some peace at the end of each day.

One-on-one hangs are always a good way to go. Grow strong, sincere relationships by grabbing lunch with an old buddy, drinks with another, and have the older, fuddy-duddies over for game night before it’s time to put the kids to bed. Just don’t gossip and judge others when you do. Be fully present (no phone) and supportive in that short time you have with them. Even quick catch-ups on the phone (or video chats, especially now) are warranted.

When it’s just the two of you, they’re more likely to notice you’re not the same person you were in 1995 or 2010, and neither are they, hopefully. It’s OK if the 2020-versions of you don’t match up. They’re more likely to see why you’ve pulled away from the herd the deeper the conversation goes so maybe talk about more than the weather and quarantine.

You’ll start to see space opening up around you, which allows you to focus on moving forward with the right use of time with the right people. There’s no need to cut out friends or publicly shame (that’s what makes you into a toxic friend). It’d be easy to tell them to screw off, but that’s not the move here. The move is to be supportive as much as you can without sacrificing your happiness, or theirs. Stay in the pocket and move forward with grace.

Lastly, keep the days that are important to you for people who jive with your current direction. If they’re the right people, you’ll find yourself in that flow state more and more as you go. Life is good when you surround yourself with good people, and it’s always easier to get by with a little help from your friends.

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Creativity Can Be a Catapult That Gets You From Depression to Self-Worth

Depression may be there for you, but so is creativity. Let it take you places.

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Big Man, Tiny Habits: Baby-Stepping Your Way to a Solid Routine

I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful.

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Karamo Brown on Relationship Communication: You Have to Start With Yourself First

Cover image: Tasia Wells 

In the latest episode of Man Enough, the heart of Queer Eye Karamo Brown goes deep on relationship communication with his fiancé, Ian Jordan, alongside Justin Baldoni and his lovely wife, Emily in our first ever couple’s edition. The good-partner gospel according to Karamo is that, regardless of the kind of relationship, a successful one always starts in the same place: with you.

Yes, there’s a “me” in “team,” but let’s agree narcissism isn’t a great jumping-off point in a relationship. A sense of self, be it our own wants and needs, or our perceived shortcomings and reasons for being in a relationship in the first place, is the foundation from which we build upon. So before you go putting the cart before the horse (or perhaps your disinfected groceries before the Prius), consider getting an introspective makeover from Karamo, the guy with the magic eye for relationships.

Anyone who has seen new episodes of Queer Eye on Netflix (and we feel sorry for you if you haven’t) knows that the show has grown in its ability to reach the muscle-bound, traditionally toxic lost souls of men, as well as women, not just in their outer appearance (along with cooking skills and home aesthetic) but in undoing the inner knots and smoothing out the inner turmoil, whether they’ve been living under a rock or just going to the wrong parties. That’s where Karamo, our personal mental health Zamboni, comes in.

What many don’t know is Karamo practiced as a licensed social worker and psychotherapist for more than a decade before making it “big” in entertainment. All that in addition to being a kid’s book author, musician, podcaster and skincare line guru, Karamo clearly has a firm grasp on what’s working for him, which means he probably has a good grasp on what might work for you, but more importantly, what might not. He joined a team of LGBTQ non-actors in a show whose mission is to revamp struggling folks from top to bottom, inside and out (sound familiar?). So yeah, we feel safe with taking his advice. Plus, who would challenge a man with such a high-caliber beard?

I Can’t Breathe: 3 Simple Words Every Man Can Relate To

Amongst other great nuggets about relationship communication in his talk with the Baldoni’s, like taking on one (and only one) issue at a time, Karamo’s understanding that it takes a strong foundation to build an empire. That empire is your family, your work, your everything, but the foundation is simply you.

It sounds simple, and it’s been said before, but there is no use in being in a relationship if you don’t love yourself for who you are, how you spend your time and what you do with your life. Once you’re happy with the direction you’re going and love the way you move in this world, that’s when it’s good to find someone to dance with. Otherwise, just keep dancing like your dad drunk at a wedding reception well past the appropriate time to go home.

So many people get married in their 20s, which is fine if they’re happy on their own and understand what they want for themselves. But keep in mind: Being young is unpredictable. And finding what you want early on without considering options and learning from endless embarrassments makes truly knowing yourself early on more difficult. You want to be a strong foundation for yourself and the others in your life, which means you have to grow and mature through life lessons. The 25-year-old version of yourself might look pretty troubled up against the 35-year-old you (or maybe the other way around), but the point is to find your center, know your goals, have some role models, preferably ones who haven’t been outed for sexual aggression or systemic racism, and learn to love yourself.

From there, it gets much easier to let the right kind of love in.

Karamo

Superhero Grant Gustin Is ‘Man Enough’ to Go to Therapy, Are You?

Communication is everything in a relationship. Simple as that.

Nobody is reading minds, which means if you have a problem with yourself or the relationship itself, you have to be confident enough to vocalize that. Sometimes it takes many failed relationships, unnecessary squabbles and a few late-night shouting matches that trouble the neighbors to learn, but once you understand that simple idea, it can make a world of difference. Literally, your world will change.

Whether quarantine pandemic or not, we are constantly mourning losses, be it professionally or personally, and we as men must be vulnerable enough to open that side of ourselves, which invites in more openness from others around us, lest we stuff it down deep next to the midnight pizza binges and excessive amounts of wine, ice cream and porn to make ourselves feel better. Ever notice how when you share something dark and deep that others feel more comfortable to try and top you? You’d be amazed what you can learn from people you’ve known for a lifetime.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want (And That’s a Good Thing)

The best thing you can do is say, “Hey, got a minute?” knowing full well you aren’t going to get everything you want. And you shouldn’t.

Getting everything you want in a relationship implies the other side doesn’t, and whatever hurts the other side, in the long run, hurts the whole team. And this is a team sport, make no mistake about that. Healthy relationships are all about balance, and communication is the vehicle to get you there, be it that fancy, fully-stocked Prius or some lemon you drive because you’re busy saving for fewer, better things.

So get to talking (you got somewhere better to be?) From there, it’s all uphill (or downhill, whichever one is easier). Because if you think keeping it to yourself will keep everything together, think again.

And if you need more help on communicating to yourself or your partner, check out new episodes of Queer Eye and let Karamo take the wheel for a few. You know it’s great to watch even if you’re not gay, right? Good, just checking. Because you are, as we all know, man enough.

Check out Karamo’s children’s book I Am Perfectly Designed and his skincare line Mantl for more great Karamo goodness.

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Cedric the Entertainer on Fatherhood Myths: Successful Dad Doesn’t Mean Great Dad

In our latest Man Enough episode, one of the “Original Kings of Comedy,” Cedric Entertainer, joined Grant Gustin and Justin Baldoni in his “COVID casual” robe to drop a bit of fatherly wisdom and dispel a few myths surrounding what makes a good dad.

“Being a guy who was raised in a single-parent household, I’m from that generation where the man makes the money,” Cedric said. “But that was my way of taking care of the family. As long as you do that, you did your job. Now that my kids are teenagers, I’ve come to realize that I was a very distant father to my own kids, and it hurts when you realize you don’t know your children the way you should.”

While quarantine has proven a useful opportunity for some fathers to spend quality time at home, it’s been just as big of a reality for the things many dads don’t have to handle while they’re busy earning outside. With more than 30 years as “the entertainer,” including two projects (a biopic Son of the South and comedy, Poor Greg Drowning) on the COVID backburner, Cedric has had plenty of time to take a fatherly inventory.

“My father was around, I just wouldn’t give him his credit. You can be there and let them know you’re there if they need anything, but you’re not engaged. It’s interesting to recognize that I’m not the father I thought I was,” he said. “I take great pride in my kids being my kids because I’m their dad. Sometimes you project an image of yourself, but when things slow down, you can see you let someone else do a lot of the work. You have no excuses when you don’t have to be anywhere.”

More ‘Man Enough’: Superhero Grant Gustin Is Man Enough to Go to Therapy, Are You?

Photo: Netflix

Cedric the Engager

Whereas fathers of older generations just wanted to put food on the table, the new generations are faced with the task of trying to pave their own paths, run their own businesses or work multiple jobs to have the same effect today. And that kind of commitment can make fatherhood nearly impossible, which is why so many families rely on others for help in raising kids, which enables that distance to grow between fathers and their sons or daughters.

“It’s a practice of newer generation dads to be more engaged. The old architects of man say you have to be strong and you have to be a leader of your family and can’t show weakness. My father wasn’t really “there” so I kind of made up being a dad what I thought it should be,” he said. “I was providing, but not necessarily caring.”

Cedric is nothing if not owning his past mistakes, claiming he used to be the dad who told his son to “man up” when he would cry, but he strives to be better now.

“Maybe you thought you’d taught them something but you didn’t teach them anything.”

Not only does that “providing” come with negative side effects for fatherhood, but it also puts a strain or distance between your own personal self-care. But therapy, along with some close-knit quarantining, has given him a new lease on fatherhood.

“My therapy came through couple’s therapy, but it helped me understand I needed this place to voice issues I’d been having and had no idea how to deal with. It goes back to why men are more likely to commit suicide,” he said. “It’s a degree of selfishness that guys grow up with that allows them to be great, powerful human beings. But that same selfishness doesn’t allow you to share anything, which leads men to do something erratic or based off a problem they decided that’s too big to fix.”

As kids begin to grow and mature on their own, fathers slowly return to themselves, but therapy also showed Cedric that building a family empire still requires a solid foundation, even when the little ones leave the nest.

“Your relationships in those early years are all about building the corporation of your family, but as the kids grow up, you realize nobody’s in love. You can let that get so callus that you go into your own corners, but therapy has led me to ask a lot of questions about my attitude toward so many things.”

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Rich Dad, Poor Dad

According to Cedric, the generations of young Black men, many of whom were fatherless due to incarceration in the ’80s and ’90s, are now becoming fathers themselves after, in many cases, not having one. While racial disparity has become America’s number-one conversation today, prisons have been imprisoning Black men more than five times as much as white men, even ten-fold in a handful of states.

“They don’t have these tools of men to talk to and people who can lead them,” Cedric said. “We’re all a community, so we have to take our time and find out what’s broken. Just know you’re not individually the only one responsible for what happens to you. Go find a little help.”

Although many boys struggle to find consistency in father figures due to wealth inequality or toxic masculinity, the growing absence of successful dads, who may be inclined to give money or shiny objects in place of attention, started raising eyebrows in late 2016. As a result, teens in affluent areas with money and access to lethal substances started experiencing their own epidemic, which began with horse sedatives and quickly escalated to elephant tranquilizers.

It all goes to show, regardless of the reason, kids need their dads to do more than just show up. Whether you’re a dad right now or 10 years from now, what will you strive to be better at for your kids?

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Get Educated on Juneteenth, Then Get Involved in Celebrating It

There’s been a lot of talk around Juneteenth, but how much do you really know? One of the most important things behind any movement, besides passion and desire for justice, is education. By learning the history, defining moments and true conflict behind social movements, we can credibly fight for change by informing the uninformed and, more importantly, the misinformed. But Juneteenth isn’t the only important date you should consider here.

Historically, June 19th marks the true end of slavery and bondage for the Black community in America in 1865. More than 150 years ago, President Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation in January 1863, declaring that all slaves should be forever free, but it wasn’t until mid-1865 that news of the abolishment reached Galveston, Texas, the site where the last Black slaves were freed. The speed of speech might have been a sign of the times then, but it’s a bit ironic that the term “forever free” took two and a half years to take effect.

Nonetheless, Juneteenth is not only an anniversary of what once happened but should be celebrated moving forward as a reminder of the times we are in now. Black celebrities, such as Usher, and politicians like Kamala Harris and Cory Booker, along with millions of multi-racial Black lives supporters, have come together to see that this date be instated as a national holiday. Because we’re fortunate to live in a time when it doesn’t take two and a half years for us to learn about George Floyd, Breonna Taylor or the other countless injustices happening around our country. It doesn’t take two and a half years for people to take action either, which is all the more reason for us to act now, peacefully, so that the healing can continue to spread in order for Black lives to not only matter but be celebrated.

There is, unfortunately at this time, a massive divide in America, but we can all agree on the right to live freely without the fear of losing our life in broad daylight with another life kneeling it (or at the least, we like to think we can agree on that). With that said, we implore you to support Black lives and celebrate Juneteenth and commemoration of Black independence, and we suggest doing so by joining a peaceful protest or starting one.

Visit Sixnineteen.com or browse Juneteenth events happening in your area throughout the weekend, as well as for more ways to get information and get involved.

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We All Have an Anxiety Monster Inside Us, You Should Be More Worried If You Don’t

If you’ve been outside or turned on the news lately, you know how weird it is out there. Between health and racial pandemics, floods and fires, police brutality, casual mentions of UFOs and asteroids just missing Earth, it’s safe to say we all have one or a hundred reasons to feel panic in our chest, difficulty breathing in our lungs and the ever-present shadow of the grim reaper. Anxiety is a monster, and there’s nothing great about it.

The only thing that would be truly weird is if you didn’t have anxiety right now.

What Is the Anxiety Monster?

Human beings are, at their core, reliant on social connection, information and the truth. So when those things become misaligned or go missing, say, with three months of self-isolating quarantine, the defiance of science by our top leaders and real-time murders televised from our cell phones, it triggers all sorts of emotions, repressed memories and past traumas then boils our blood until the negativity bubbles to the surface.

We like to call it the Anxiety Monster, mostly because it’ll eat you alive if you choose to ignore it.

Unlike the Boogie Man, your anxiety monster isn’t going anywhere when the sun comes up. It loves when you let your life get to you, or even just when life is crazy and surreal like it has been all of this year. Without the proper tools to attack anxiety back, this monster will bear-hug you in all the wrong places, from your head and your heart to your colon on down, tying you up in knots a sailor could not undo.

The biggest problem with preventing anxiety is that men, especially, have been taught to “man up” and suppress, hide and even deny these very emotions out of taught (and well-practiced) fear of being labeled weak. Would you like to talk about your feelings and potentially be labeled a “pansy,” “pussy” or “wimp?” Or would you rather roll the dice and stuff it down, snuggle in the fetal position with your anxiety monster and ignore countless other unaddressed issues until you eventually implode?

Does that make you man enough? No! And it doesn’t sound fun at all, either.

anxiety

Photo: monkeybusiness (Envato Elements)

How Badly Is Anxiety Affecting Everyone, Really?

We’ve all witnessed some of the brutal daily trauma Black men in America are forced to deal with. Meanwhile, middle-aged white men have the highest rate of suicide in America, which averages close to 50,000 lives each year. Between the two, men are getting crushed on two fronts, and anyone who enjoys a good war movie knows it doesn’t end well when you’re surrounded. It’s an anxiety monster’s dream scenario. But if we’re willing to stand up against those who oppress us, we must also stand up against our own demons. And it starts with a conversation.

In light of the many injustices of today, many leaders in sports, entertainment and our communities have stepped forward where others have failed or missed their cues. And the stories we hear from these men about fear, ridicule and the challenge of being different or feeling less than may sound revolutionary, but they’re as common the cold. The reason they seem so refreshing or, dare we say, brave, is because of how rare it is to see vulnerability amongst the pack.

If modern manhood is based on survival of the fittest and devouring its “weakest link,” then we’re in trouble. Because that kind of toxic masculinity only destroys the pack. Our best chance at survival to admitting we’re all suffering from anxiety, then to normalize it and work through it without judgment as a whole. If you have the balls to admit you struggle with anxiety, that, in our opinion, makes you more of a man than ever!

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How to Beat Your Anxiety Monster

Anxiety not only affects our mood, it affects our sleep, work and ability to be supportive to others, near and far. So if you’re dragging your feet, fighting with your favorite people or staring at the ceiling every night and you’re not sure why, it’s not you. It’s anxiety, and it’s never been more popular. Good news: There are ways to handle it. Just because it showed up at the party doesn’t mean it’s welcome.

Just so you know, right away: There’s no beating it for good. Your anxiety monster is a lot like that creepy uncle at Christmas. You might have to listen to him tell his pervy jokes every time the tree goes up, but you can smile and rest assured it doesn’t have to happen every day. But just in case the usual tricks don’t work, consider the following:

First of all, remember that you’re doing great. You’re doing great, and you’re trying your best, given the circumstances, so quit putting so much pressure on yourself all the time. Most of it is unnecessary, self-imposed pressure anyway.

Next, work it out. Whether you’re working out physically, writing it down or even loving your lady (yes, they appreciate that), anxiety is negative energy that can be cultivated for good. But you’ve got to get it out or else it’ll manifest into bigger problems.

Finally, talk it over. You can confide in your partner or your best friend, someone you trust (yes, even your mother). You’d be surprised how much of the same stuff your father has been through if you have the good fortune to speak with him about it. Now hear us out on this next part.

Talking With a Professional

We know that might sound crazy or weak or easily judged to “get help” or “see a shrink,” but these negatively connotative ideas are overdramatized. It’s just a conversation with someone who has a clue of how to help. It’s a lot better than venting to the same friend or family member who never signed up for your 24-hour tell-all, and it’s a million times better than venting to the wrong person, who just happens to be a massive gossip.

Talking, even just once, with someone who’s trained to understand what you’re dealing with, has the ability to shed light on things you never even notice and, more importantly, is paid to listen to the most terrifyingly shallow filth you have inside you but is not allowed to repeat said terrifyingly shallow filth.

Try it, you might love it. I did, and my life has only gotten exponentially better. You become clear about what you want and how to get there. And now I have someone in my life I can tell anything to, judgment-free, but I can also fire her without any consequence to myself, plus I don’t have to go to her birthday parties. Whatever you do, don’t hold it inside. It’ll feel good to let it out. Because a “real man” doesn’t burden himself by burying it deep down for no one to see. Working it out makes you man enough.

And if you really want to lift a weight off your chest, you should try voting this November. It’s more than just one monster’s worst enemy.

If you or someone you know struggled with severe anxiety, you can find help below.

Now check out our new Anxiety episode with The Flash himself, Grant Gustin, veteran comedian, Cedric the Entertainer, and, of course, your host Justin Baldoni. For more Man Enough episodes, go here. 

Then be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Remember tag us in your most “man enough” moments!

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